Sales, rants & all things 2015

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“Targets are like Orgasms. You’ll know when it happens. Asking ‘Hua kya, Hoga kya’ does jack-shit. You’ll be asked to plan better. But Planning is like foreplay. Half of India doesn’t know how to do it & even if done properly, a lot of factors can screw things up for you. Waise bhi, ye territory hi kharab hai saala. Yahan ghanta kuch na ukhdega!”

-Dilip Kotler (ASM ‘somewhere far from civilization‘) to his replacement
(Credentials- MBA from a ‘premier‘, Tier-2, B-School)

Dear 3 odd readers of my blog, thank you for not letting this space die. I know my blog is deader than the expression on the face of a Wholesaler at month end when I quote my rates to him. Still, thanks for sticking around! As always, this post too will be a collection of the random-est things that I remember from 2015. Think of it as a tepid, obligatory ode to a year which showed immense potential initially, but was marred with all things average, eventually. Coincidentally, this is  also probably what most of your managers think of you right now. Just saying! 😛 Anyways, back to my list:

  • Mutually Exclusive & Collectively Exhaustive: I am at the cusp of that time in my life when my friend circle (especially boys) largely comprises of just two sets of people, married or friend-zoned. Married ones look happy on Facebook and the friend-zoned ones are, well, friend-zoned. I don’t blame the latter set though. It’s not their fault. If anything, I blame Shahrukh Khan for half their miseries. Why? Here’s my theory. It is all a result of our love for Bollywood & the male-gene-penchant for taking things quite literally. I mean, Mukesh died like a zillion time before every movie, stating the ‘Dhoomrapan-Fefda-Tar theorem‘ and no one ever took him seriously, but SRK in one moment of casual nonchalance proclaimed, ‘Pyaar dosti hai‘ and it was like the entire male world lost it. “Bhai dosti ho gayi hai. Chances of falling in love with someone is directly proportional to how soon you become friends with her. She said she wants to be just friends. Matlab Pyaar hona is the obvious next step!” Naive idiots!
  • Old Monk ke bina coke kitni meethi lagti hai“: OK, now this statement blurted out casually in an inebriated state by a friend is so profound, I could imagine Nietzsche giving him a *slow clap* while adjusting himself in his grave. I do not want to dilute its essence by dissecting it any further. Bas baat ki gehrai ko samjho!
  • Beta, shadi kar lo!“:  Sometimes I feel that things were so much simpler back in the days. Adarsh Ladka ke parents meet Sanskari Ladki ke parivar wale, and rishta pakka. No Whatsapping, no unnecessary exchange of banalities, no judging. For people like me who have the social skills of a humming bird with Alzheimer’s and the likability quotient reserved mostly for serial killers, the whole experience can be catatonic. In defense of anyone who ever meets me as a prospect, even I would say no to me 😛 First of all, my looks can never match up to my relatively good grammar and generally nice texting etiquette. Also, as I have said before, I am not the ‘fall-in-love-at-first-sight’ guy. I am more like ‘not-so-annoying-at-fifteenth-personality‘. If only my parents got all this and just let me be! 😀

It suddenly dawned upon me that the cribbing can continue forever. I can writes pages and pages about how I’ve moved 3 cities in less than two years and how I spent almost the entire last year based out of Jabalpur. But, the fact of the matter is, I survived 2015. And that is what is important!

Now, as I take another sabbatical from writing for the next fifteen thousand years, let me just wish each and every one of you a very Happy New Year. Let’s hope 2016 kicks some serious ass!

“Teen sawalon ka sahi jawab aaj tak koi nahi de paaya:

  1. Why MBA?
  2. Metro kab milega?
  3. Promotions ke peeche ka criteria kya hai?

Isko chod ke baaki pe focus kar. Aur haan, yahan se nikalne ki fight maar!”

-Dilip Kotler (ASM ‘somewhere far from civilization‘) to his replacement
(Credentials- MBA from a ‘premier‘, Tier-2, B-School)

PS: Dilip Kotler is a work of fiction. Just saying! 🙂

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Hey. Interesting blog. I’m a new blogger who’s out to make new friends with similar thoughts. Come visit me on http://www.allshadesofdramaticx.WordPress.com if you like. Have a great day! 🙂

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