Sales Sales Baby!

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. For higher studies (not funny? OK. Let me try again)

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. For a CV point. “Successfully implemented an On-Foot Road crossing mechanism identifying a headroom of <whatever currency chicken’s deal with>” (No? OK. Final attempt.)

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. To make a switch from Sales to Marketing. (C’mon, that is a good one!)

Being at home for almost close to four months has warped my fragile little mind. Maybe it’s the everyday breakfast, the daily 14 hour hibernation routine or the not-having-to-move-a-muscle-for-work-because-mom syndrome, but I think I’ve lost my ability to make sense. Good thing is, there is a marked decrease in the number of I miss SP so much, I want to name my kids Abhyudhya and ADMAP status messages (refer: Annexure). You’ll still find a few ‘top of the mountain, gazing into the oblivion while focusing camera on the sweat-shirt with college name on it’ or ‘instagrammed to death, panoramic, candid, intensely staring at the college gate hoping to hit 100 likes’ pictures here and there. But honestly, I’m OK with it. Most Facebook and Whatsapp groups anyways looks like this picture on the right:

People have started working. Heck, some even got their first salaries. And here I am, writing this post just so I can claim to be a blogger before I take another sabbatical for one thousand years. Don’t be a presumptuous asshole and think that I do not have a job! Just to be clear, I’ll soon start my Sales stint with a leading FMCG company (At this point, I’ll like to point out to “certain people” that ‘leading’ makes more sense in a global context and one should not restrain oneself to India 😛 *end of digression*) Honestly, I prefer Sales to Marketing. You want to know why? Because being in Sales is being like Narendra Modi. You work from ground up, may be do some shady stuff, but one day, you end up being the Prime Minister of the country. Rahul Gandhi is what happens when you get into Marketing without relevant Sales experience! Take another example. Being in sales is also like trying to pick up a new girl everyday. You have to be persistent and your product is your pick-up line (by which I mean it probably sucks donkey balls). Here, picture this:

Average Value Based Salesman (AVBS) to the girl: Did it hurt?

People: Sir, can you please step aside.

AVBS: Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven? *puppy face*

People: She slipped on your company’s soap and fell from the 2nd floor. Now, will you please step aside?

Get the drift? Moving on. You know what I hate about working? Formals, yes. But apart from that, you constantly have to keep selling your achievements. You must all know at least one DSLR boy who clicks girl’s profile pictures so she get a million likes on it while secretly hoping that she falls in love with him. Selling your achievements makes me feel like that boy in the future when he has been friend-zoned to death and now has to desperately post on the girl’s profile “Hey, Picture credits <smiley face>?” *shudders*

Life is never simple. Even in college we had responsibilities. But, there, with great responsibilities (read: organizing fests (read: CV point)) came Free T-shirts. I mean, there’s a special place in hell reserved for MBA graduates who buy and wear and T-shirts. In Sales, with great responsibilities, comes great sales targets (read: choke on that CTC of 20 Lpa with 60% variable component, sucker!) Of course, I’m just kidding. If prefer Sales over HR or Marketing. HR is like Appy Fizz, a minority segment of the soft drink universe, which is largely ignored. While God’s first child, Marketing, is like Cafe Cuba (or a certain spiritual subject we were force-fed at SP). Highly irritating, leaves a bad after taste and comes from a brand that was relevant 30 years ago.

But, enough with the rant. I’ve probably already lost half of you by now. I just hope I keep writing so that the blog doesn’t look dead, like the first version CVs of most of my juniors. Share/Like the post if you hope so too *end of borderline sentimental whoring*

NOTE: You can follow me on Twitter at @kumaratulya.I would have asked you to follow me on Instagram as well, but once I start work,  I’ll probably end up drinking my dinner before I get a chance to click pictures of it! Cheers.

Annexure:

Abhyudhya and ADMAP are two compulsory courses students at my college have to go through in their first year of MBA. Why? Good question. I’ll answer that once I figure out the answer to ‘Why MBA?’

 

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