MUMBAI, MBA: Prologue

#MBAOver
#MBAOver

Let me begin this post with a confession. I, like many, am only writing this because I’m happy with my current ROT metric. ROT? Well, Return on Testimonial ratio (for the uninitiated, this is a reference to our yearbook). My world famous in Patna uncle once said, “With great powers, comes greater responsibilities to misuse that power”. Hence, I semi-recline here to write what getting an MBA degree felt like to me. Truth be told, I am just writing this so other value based ‘day-in-life’ SP shraddhanjali articles do not hog all the attention*Sardar Patel rolls in his grave at this point of time* (wait! SP isn’t Sardar Patel, no?)

Anyways, if this politically/historically/value-basedlly incorrect whiny post ever gets read by the three odd readers of my blog, I apologize in advance for the apparently unreadable raw bland swear taste language and a very Memento-ish timeline. If you have come here expecting a monologue on how I am in an unholy matrimony with my MBA degree and how I want to marry and have babies with my college, I’m sorry,  this post will only disappoint you to death (FYI, this also happens to be my favouritest super-power, disappointing people to death. That, along with others like getting you double down-grades and ensuring that your profile pictures do not cross 100 likes (Which, somehow never works on girls. End of bracket loop (Bracket-ception))). But, enough with the digression.

I understand nostalgia. But honestly, this BLATANT display of nostalgia (on missing Mumbai) on my Facebook timeline is one step away from a senti status update like this:

“Borivali. Kandivalli. Sion. How I missed these stations on my way back from Mumbai to Jhumri Talaiya. Only jhal-moodi walas. No one calling me ‘Aye, Chickne Hendsume’.  Also, uninstalled M-Indicator from my phone today. It was like a part of my soul was taken away from me. Jai Mumbai. Jai Admin. Jai Antilla. Jai Roadies!”

But don’t go by my word alone. I am a biased sample. I’m the Blue Ocean strategy of Marketing Management where I Eliminated all values, Created fear of re-exams, Reduced common sense and Raised average package (points and laughs at Ops and Fin folks and shames them to death.) Truth be told, there is an infinite MT-ness growing inside me. (Get it? You know, MT (Management Trainee) rhymes with Empty? Genius, no?)

I am still surprised how the love child of King of the North and Mother of Dragons, fondly also known as PLACOM managed to place all of us. Especially with our CVs lookin something like this:

Objective: Dream Company main Placement. Because I am worth it, yaa.

Experience: ADMAP, Abhyudaya

Strengths: Campus finalist at home college festival event (which I organized)

Hobbies: Team building exercises at RP (cheap near-college bar)

Education: ROFL

PLACOM se yaad aaya, ‘The whole concept of a Dream Company is DYNAMIC. With the entire batch placed, things look a lot hunky dory, but cut to a few months back and this is what an average job aspirant was seen saying:

Average Value Based Job Aspirant (AVBJA): Bhai, HUL nikal jaaye bas. Preparation ke naam pe bas roz Dove se nahata hun, Lipton ki chai peeta hun. Yahan tak ki Nitin Paranjpe ki photo bhi room pe laga rakhi hai.

*No Shortlist*

AVBJA: (confessing to a junior) Abe sab FMCGs ek jaisi hain. Package similar hi hota hai. Karna toh sales hi hai. Bas is sector main nikal jaun.

*Rejected*

AVBJA: Abe kya tum sab manager ban na chahte ho. Bhai Leadership wala model set karo. Gen-Man main jao. Company ke CEO banenge bhai.

*Internship Offered. Gets PPI. Rejected*

AVBJA: Bhai, Up in the Air dekhi. Asli life Consultants ki hai. Abe MBA karke bhi Suit wuit nahi pehenoge to kab pehenoge?

*Rejected*

AVBJA: Bhains ki aankh, kahin bhi kara do. Bas jo pichli wali job thi us se zada CTC rakhio. Pliss.

Whatever be the case, life after placements is probably the reason why we miss college so much. The Value-creating Goa trips, the Auntieee pullss bula degi (literally) Bucket parties and the drunken SPRINT cheering. This is a real incident:

Sports Star: Bhai, I have never seen you in the Basket Ball court. You probably don’t even know all the rules. Yahan kya kar raha hai?

Sports Noob: Abe, kisi ne bola yahan 4 Quarter hote hain. Maine socha ek quarter bhi mil jaaye toh scene set aaj ka!

*Awkward Silence*

At the dawn of this realization and keeping my bohemian indifference for all good things in life aside, I guess I do miss bits and pieces of my college life. Maybe I’ll write more on it. Maybe, just maybe, if the response to this post is more than 5 Facebook likes and 2 shares.

MUST. STOP. WRITING. NOW.

Advertisements

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Ayushman says:

    “love child of King of the North and Mother of Dragons, fondly also known as PLACOM”.. 😀 😀

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      Hahahaha. Now that we have our degree, we can write what we want. I hope! 😛

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s