Articles that might get you fired (or not!)

NOTE: This controversial article was written by me as an event update on the company intranet. It includes a series of offensive jokes on almost all my bosses and seniors. Despite my initial apprehensions, it turned out to be a huge hit. So check it out.

i-Race

Have you ever tried to do a few pushups and realize that some parts of your body refuse to leave the floor? What if your children looked through your wedding album and wanted to know who their mom’s first husband was? Unfortunately for me, this paranoia is my reality. After hours and hours of trying to touch my toes went in vain, I simply declared that it was humanly impossible to achieve this feat of pure awesomeness. A little more analysis (which at dunnhumby is my bread and butter!) led me to understand that this was in fact not correct. What do plump (read as morbidly overweight) boys do in this scenario? Well, like me, they develop their sense of humor as a defense mechanism and become volunteers at charity marathons. This is precisely what I decided to do when the Helping Hands team here at dunnhumby India decided to hold the iRace! 

Based on the unique concept of challenging ones own limits, the i-Race considered the best possible performance for every runner and set up a unique challenge. Essentially, I-Race used a combination of two sophisticated models that adjust for differences in your racing ability due to age, gender, race distance, height and weight to predict your theoretical best time thus building a “human frontier”. The winner is the one who gets closest to HIS human frontier. In still simpler terms, it offered even people like me an opportunity to win (which of course I didn’t).

To keep you updated with the hoopla surrounding the race, I present to you the official FAKEBOOK page of I-Race. While, I would love to say that all the similarities are completely intentional and in no way coincidental, I am advised against doing it. So here it goes. First one to guess which of these comments are actually true gets, ummmm, well an honorary mention in the comment thread

  

  

 

A few lines from the post match interview:

 Atulya- So Paul, how does it feel to win the i-Race?

Paul– For all the people with their ‘Yo Mama’ jokes…Who’s your daddy now? 😛

All in all, the event was a success and the fact that it was for a good cause might just help us earn some brownie points with the Lord Almighty ( or ‘The one who must not be named’ for the atheists and the agnostics). 

Two successful events and one brutally offensive article later, I wouldn’t be surprised if a Google search for my name looks something like this:

Hope this isn’t the case!

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