Roses are red violets are blue
I thought Atulya was studying and so did you
got the photostats and believed we’ll sail through
smoked lots of cigarettes and huffed some glue
played poker and then slept with the crew
got up to realize there was nothing that we knew
copied your entire paper and f**king I failed too.
An important aspect of conversations amongst college students is the bland raw sewer taste language that we use. A major component of our mutual dialogues consist mostly of swear words with a few tit-bits of comprehensible and informational data angle. While we generally take pride in our capacity to converse in the crudest of form imaginable, a general protocol forbids us from using the A-word and the F-word with our friends. Without letting your fragile little minds wander into the depths of obscenities, I would bring to your notice the words ‘that must not be named’.
The dreaded words that I am talking about are ASSIGNMENTS and FAIL. There is a fairly common question that you are struck with on the day your exams results are out. Instead of the usual “Result kaisa raha? (How were your results)”, people are found asking you, “Kitni? (How many)”. The question is a subtle indication towards the number of papers you have flunked. While four years of your college life genetically modifies you to a certain degree of immunity towards any such snide remarks, it still hurts.
While there is a general consensus about the magnitude to which people hate being failed, I wonder why we try every possible trick in the trade that might lead us to our eventual doom. My so-called poem almost completely defines our level of dedication towards the semester exams. After all that we do, even the universe conspires against us.
While everyone actively participates in distributing the entire syllabus in a bid to cooperate to dominate, usually none of us bothers to put any more effort. Well begun is half done, we are happy and content with it. Some of us are found sneaking around the hostel premises, jumping from balcony to balcony to avoid the prying and judging eyes of our juniors. You lose all their respect the moment they see you studying even in your final year. While we do this, others are lost into their dreams, damn sure that a 15 minute crash course from their friends would suffice in obtaining the grace marks.
You are ushered into the realms of creativity the very moment the blank answer sheets are handed over to you. You constantly nag the invigilator and the people around to ask what date it is. At least there is something you can be sure about in your paper. As the question paper allows you to make assumptions for any missing information, you get an opportunity to be more adventurous. From writing things like ‘I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs’ or ‘Pardon my inability to answer this question on the grounds that I do not know ancient Greek’ or simply drawing truth tables with 1024 rows in your AI paper, you are unstoppable.
If only the results never came out. Alas, we have to live with the imperfections of our educational system. FAILing is not an option, it’s the only option.
PS-The author of this post is amongst the top 5 ranked students in his department. He has never failed an exam. This post is dedicated to his gang of friends who weren’t as fortunate 😛
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