Textual Harassment!

I interrupt the Part #1 post’s to bring something important to your notice. I am royally pissed off while doing this, particularly because of the fact that the #1 posts were gaining popularity. As you all know by now, I am the master of cheap publicity stunts. I am the self proclaimed Rakhi Sawant of blogosphere. But there are matters of great public importance and international security that need to be discussed on the blog. After all, if I don’t do it, who would?

“ol ryt. xyz ws fn. mst awsm trip eva.hd lodsa fn.ttyl.tc.gn.sd”

This is a message I received from my younger sister after she came back from a class trip. Now, I have had Applied Cryptography as a subject for two semesters and by now I am well versed with over 20 (complex) decryption algorithms. Still, I couldn’t decipher what she was trying to tell me. As I scrolled down my inbox, I found several such heavily encrypted messages sent mostly by girls (yes, I am a chauvinist pig :P). I had a feeling of amazement and pride rush down my spine at the same time. What amazed me was how I easily ignored major chunks of the encrypted and potentially important data component in all those messages. On the other hand, I felt proud at my ability of managing a textual conversation merely using vague expressions like, “hmmm. That is great” or “that sounds fun. awesome.” or “you’re kidding. don’t tell me!” et cetra.

Unable to continue in my state of perennial indifference to what my sister says, I decided to get to the bottom of the emergence of this lingo. My theories and discoveries were widely rejected and hence I was forced to write this post (though I am sure Dan Brown would have written a whole book on it and all you guys would have read and loved it). Anyways, STUPID MESSEDup SERVICE or SMS was developed by a group of 10th class failed scientists at Afghanistan. The leader of Al Idiotica, Mr. Osama Bina-Chain-Kahan-Re, believed that this creation of the clan of super stupid scientists would help spread stupidity in the whole world. After running a few bits of computational calculations he arrived at the conclusion that stupidity was indeed contagious. If they could spread a form of communication that presented information in a cool yet unintelligible form, people would never know of what was happening in the world. He hired a set of etymologists to coin new terms with meanings open to interpretation. They came up with idiotic terms like ROFL, LOL, LMFAO, TC, SD et cetra. While these terms did catch up in the day to day lingo, it steered mankind (womankind for the feminists) away from their natural set of emotions. These words occur uncountable number of times in every conversation making the main text irrelevant and hence ensuring the loss of information. Unfortunately, losers in a bid to UP their Coolness Quotient fell prey to their plan.

If this display of stupidity concealed in coolness continues, the world is doomed to destruction. However, every dark cloud has a silver lining in it. Recent NEWS has claimed that Tiger Wood’s wife and her cougar pals was able to decipher heavily encrypted text messages send to him by his other muses. While this is a ray of hope, I urge you all not to continue in your state of idioticity.


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2 Comments Add yours

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      thank you sir jee 🙂

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