Breaking News

Hello Tom,

This is Chatur Cheetah reporting live from the campus of Delhi Tormentology University (DTU), previously known as DCE, for our show Andha Kanoon. Remember the days when your parents stopped you from indulging in anything that is good and pure (read as drugs and alcohol, and might include sex if you are not in an engineering college). “There is a time and place for everything and it’s called College”, they said. Well Tom, students at DTU have reported that their dreams have been shattered due to some new policies being observed by the DTU officials. Presenting a brief report on our startling observations:

Consumption of alcohol and smoking have been banned in the college premises. An outraged student Charsi Daruwala had this to say, “This is freaking ridiculous. Everybody knows smoking is good for your health. The smoke settles down and suffocates the bacteria and other germs in your body. And whatever happened to the fact ‘beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder’. The college has turned into some kind of fascist dunghole.”

In another event, the cultural council has decided to change the name of the annual fest (again!) from EngiFest to EngiFist keeping in mind the recent violent outbursts. We have reports of a possible harassment of VictimGirl_1 by a group of Bawana Boys who stopped her and sang “Woofer tu meri, main tera amplifier”, while his friend HeroBoy_1 was dragged and beat up. On the same day another girl, VictimGirl_2 was almost runover by an inebriated youth. The college authorities had this to say, “We dont take kindly to people like these. VictimGirls_1and2 as well as HeroBoy_1 have been suspended from the college. It is high time people realize that violence and vulgarity is acceptable, while heroism is contagious and hence condemned.”

In another NEWS Tom, the Vice- Chance-pe-Dancellor of DTU was found rehearsing Gabbar’s dialogues, ‘Holi kab hai, kab hai holi’. It has come to our attention that students have been banned from playing holi in the college campus and strict action shall be taken against anyone found indulging in the festival of colour. Official sources have said that playing with colours is unconstitutional and if it were up to them, they would trap and jail any Indian who dared play holi. Unofficial sources however mentioned that the Vice Chance-pe-Dancellor is more worried about the fact that if people play holi his Ujala Safedi hair would become Technicolor and hence the action.

We have always suspected that the college was pro bullcrap and anti girls. Our suspicion was strengthened by the name of the Lead Band performing at the star night of EngiFist, ‘Bandish’. Our experts point out that this is a clear indication of the fact that the college wants to imprison ( bandi in hindi) all the girls (bandi in delhi terms). Aha!

It is clear Tom that the college authorities are now scared of the genetically superior females and consider them potentially dangerous. We look at some of the keywords that defined the situations before and after the DTU conspiracy:

Keywords:

Before- Integrated Leftist Liberal

After- Gay Idiotic Retarded Loser-like Socialist

If we closely observe the highlighted terms, it reads KILL GIRLS!!! So Tom, we have unearthed the agenda of the DTU authorities. The question is what are we going to do about it!!!

PS: All resemblances are completely coincidental.

PPS: Yes yes, the post is heavily inspired by SOUTHPARK_/\_

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. swayam says:

    Loved it.. but then what our dancellor seems to be doing is nothing less than dictatorship.. who on earth stops people from playing holi… as to the incidents on fests.. Have the girls really been suspended?? its as outrageous as it gets if they have been…
    ps: I really think ujala safedi is actually a wig…

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      thank you :)….some parts of the story was made up but there has been an incident where people were suspended from the hostels without any fault of their’s (including girls)…boys have been banned at T5…so on and so forth…frankly, I am happy that i am leaving the college now…
      ps: I used to think so too but have seen him brush his hair really hard…so its most probably real 😛

  2. Swati Khurana says:

    hahaha…awesome!!
    loved the abbreviation part!! keep writing good stuff like this and entertaining ppl like me who cant !!

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      :D:D
      the blog wasn’t initially intended to entertain people….I am happy things turned out this way 🙂

  3. Abhishek Barua says:

    Gr8 blog dude..Keep it up… And apna Vice Chance-pe-Dancellor bilkul hi pagla gaya hai lag raha hain… 🙂 At right time we are leaving college 😦

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      thank you barue 🙂

  4. Prateek Jain says:

    Mera ek comment to tune apne PPS mein likh diya….. hmmmmm… But its ok… I have something to ask you about this HeroBoy_1… So how badly was he beaten by that amplifier guy??? How is he now?? Will he be coming to college soon?? and as he was suspended for getting beaten up without defending him.. Is he going to take any action against it……..??

    Baki ab kya baar baar likhta rahu ki MAST POST THA!!!!

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      kya heroboy_1 wpas college aayega, kya victimgirls_1and2 kabhi apne pe hue atyachar ko bhula payengi?…jan ne ke lie padhte rahen Bindu Blogs 😀

  5. S... says:

    liked this post…so there is some hulla over Holi in ur coll..same thing happened wid us last year..we were thrown outta r coll gates after we celebrated it during coll-time..:) HOD was running humare peeche peeche nd hum sab were running uske aage aage..haha..:D..it was fun, still cant forget that holi..
    😀

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      hope that the aage peeche thingy happens in our college as well…our Dancellor has however issued a strict warning….according to him our college degree’s at stake if we play holi…let us all hope and pray that he rots in hell 😀
      will keep you updated on what happens 🙂

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