Ladies and Germs,
I was a little busy travelling (through time :D) and a genius moment struck me again. I realised that even though I don’t really care what people say or write about me, there are a few things that you all must avoid. Today I plan to list down a subset of things that you should never use in my context. Failure to do so would result in me using my totally awesome superpowers to make you uglier than you actually are :D.
- Dude, didn’t I see you wearing a pink shirt: What you actually mean is that someday I looked like the lamest version of Count Fag-ula ever imaginable. Yes, I do own a pink shirt, but do not plan to wear it again until the earth stops rotating and/or Mainu starts using a deodorant.
- Tu mota ho gya hai yaar ( ie, You have gained weight yaar): For the last time people I suffer from a rare genetic deformity called as Bonemarrow-iron-itis. It means I am not fat, my bones are heavier. You can’t slim down bones :P.
- Why do you constantly ask for comments and hits on your blog: All my life have lived by a code. The code is simple, “Respect your country, Love your woman and shamelessly promote your blog”. If you really want to know why I do it, I suggest that you please write down the question and post it as a comment on the blog (preferably in all the posts, so that I do not purposefully ignore it :D).
- Do you like chocolates??: No. Chocolates are non toxic and safe. I have an utter distaste for anything non toxic and safe. Dumbass.
- I am so bored. Suggest things that I can do: You could try burning your stuff. Wait, don’t do that. Try killing yourself. No, don’t do that either. Don’t do anything. Do zero things and you shall find the path to true crappiness.
- Bhagwan ke naam pe dede baba (roughly translated as: Give on the name of God, Sanjay Dutt): Sparing change is against my moral code. Somebody please teach these people that they need to do things in life that are productive, and not reproductive.
- Dude, you suck at HALO: Well, screw you. I just had a *Veer Kill* to my name. It is apparently the highest rating that you can have. Only two people in the world could manage that, I and Salman Khan :D.
All in all, please avoid falling under my wrath radar and start being nicer to me 🙂 .