Some Suit Somewhere Is Made For You



Legend tells of a legendary tale, written in the holy book ‘Lord of the boRings’. There once was a war between good and evil. The evil side was lead by a diabolical ruler named SUIT while his awesome opponents (some call them the fathers of all that is good and pure) were the kingdoms of JEANS and T-SHIRT. The army of the good bravely defended their innocent denizens but were eventually defeated by the rich and marauding army of the evil. Since then SUITS have been regarded as the mark of evil himself. As the tide of time swept by, the armies of SUIT brainwashed the armies of the so called Corporate World. The leader of the Corporates pledged his alliance to the evils and since then every member remotely associated with the Corporate World was supposed to own and wear suits. 

I had to attend a reception party. Also, the job profile that was offered to me supposedly requires me to own a suit. So like all lesser mortals, despite my utter disgust for anything remotely formal, I decided to buy one. Thus began the journey, looking for that perfect yet less than usual evil suit (one that wouldn’t contemplate eliminating me if I do not wear it very often). My companions on this quest were bhalu and Happy Girl_123. The journey comprised of visiting several showrooms, usually marked by the devil offering an upto 50% discount on the evil quotient. A brief summary of the journey is as follows:

Evil Store 1:

Me (wearing sweatshirt and jeans, unkept hair, donning a goatee): Hi. I would like to buy a suit.

Salesman (aka the devil’s advocate): Are you sure??

Me: Wait. Let me just try calling myself to confirm. Ofcourse I am sure. 

(After trying a couple of sizes none of which fit perfectly)

SM: Sir the suits are all fine. You are the one horizontally challenged.

Me: (Ahh subtle! but still) Ay! I am not fat. I am big boned. Screw you. I will loose some weight and come back tomorrow X(.

Evil Store 2:

Happy Girl_123: Dude check this out. Costliest suit available (15K). Has to be good.

Me: (Tried the suit. Didn’t quite like it) I dont think it suits me.

Happy Girl_123: But it’s worth 15K. Hence Proved it is good.

Me: (To the salesman) I think it is a bit expensive. Do you have anything cheaper.

Salesman: Our range starts from Rs 10K.

Me: <Awkward Silence>

SM: <Awkward Silence>

Me: OK. Thanks. I dont quite like the stock you have. Thanks anyways.

Thus continued my journey looking for that perfect suit. Day 1 and 2 ended in a fashion very similar to that explained above. I was sure that I would be doomed to a life of semi luxury. Finally, on day 3 bhalu got fed up of my constant whining and complaining at the futility of our attempts. He agreed to help me out for the last time by taking me to the magical land of Rajouri garden.

The search for a perfect suit and a perfect girl are quite like and unlike each other. Like a perfect girl, a perfect suit is difficult to find. But unlike the concept of a perfect girl, a perfect suit does exist. I entered the holy portal of Marks and Spencer and I knew my quest would end there. My eyes fell on my precious. I found that perfect suit. I tried it on and it fit perfectly. Bhalu made me perform some Robot Karate again explaining that it was required to check if the suit was comfortable. I could see that the salesmen/women were laughing at me. But i had learned my lesson, ‘Hell hath no fury like a salesman scorned’. I continued doing it. Finally I bought the suit and then treated bhalu at KFC.

Me: Thanks a lot for helping me out dude. BTW, you made me perform those stupid acts in front of everybody. U sure that the suit looks good right?

Bhalu: Oh, the suit looked perfect the very first time I saw you in it. The stupid steps were just to get back at you for writing that stupid stuff about me on your blog. Let that be a lesson to you sucker!

And thus ended the search for a perfect suit :).

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. Happy girl_123 says:

    really funny..loved it..
    i remember the awkward silence..and the suit u finally got is really fab..:-)

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      it was only in your absence that I could finally convince myself to get the right suit…I appreciate the effort though 😛
      the suit was destined to look good on me…as it is said- fab and flab make a great pair 😀

  2. kanika says:

    Hehe nice one….I wish I was thr when you were performing *those* robot steps lol 😛 😀 😛

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      @kani- I am happy no one was there…trying on new clothes can be really embarassing at times 😀
      @amit- by the time I outgrow the suit, i will have enough money to buy a new one…Happy Girl_123 happens to think that the suit looks fab…so screw you 😀

  3. Amit says:

    Quest for the suit part 2…………….

    The Robo Karate big-boned maverick out grows the pefect suit….. At the rate of your horizontal expansion no suit may fit u pretty soon……Happygirl_123 watch out!!

  4. Iago says:

    😀 brilliant 😀
    I could almost hear the crickets screeching in the awkward silence part 😀

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      😀 😀
      unlike most of the made up part….this actually happened…could only come up with a lame ‘you dont have enough stock’ excuse to avoid it 😀

  5. Swati Khurana says:

    totally hilarious!!
    i can totally identify with the awkward silence part…has happened with me so many times!!

    n the part about perfect girls and perfect suits was very nice.

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      :D:D thanks
      it was my first time….dont usually go shopping for expensive clothes 😛

  6. Prateek Jain says:

    Awesome story once again….. but there was a mystery in this one…. what was bhalu doing when you were trying clothes in evil store 1 and evil store 2…..???? What could that meat eating, cheese licking, pepsi snorting, fat ball of crap be doing in such an expensive store?? please shed some light on this part…..

    1. perenniallyconfused says:

      we precisely exploited all these aforementioned ‘qualities’ of bhalu to get a ride to our destination…all I had to do was to offer one burger (Rs 20 wala) 😀

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